Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
