but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
