that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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