all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
