hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
