someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
