His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You can't just leave with hair like that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
