I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
