Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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