i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
