I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
