Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
