Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
