They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
