Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
