FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
