I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
