Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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