I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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