We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
