So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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