Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
