I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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