I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
