I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
