Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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