honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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