I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize