I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
