Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
