i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
