the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
