shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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