i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
