I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
