WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
