I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
