sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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