New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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