So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
