Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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