I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
