Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize