I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
