Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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