My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize