Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
