you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
