toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
