That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize