Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
