Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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