Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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