my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
