I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
