my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize