What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
