I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
