I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
