last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
