Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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