I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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