i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
