Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
