OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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