Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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