Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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