so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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