I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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