my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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