so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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