If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
