Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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