nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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