I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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