Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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