you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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