Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
