Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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