I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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