I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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