I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
