If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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